yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
