I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
