I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
