I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
