That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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