I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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