i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
