Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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