This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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