I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize