just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
3 2 1 whiskey
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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