wat bout pragnant strippers??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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