I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
