I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize