You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
