Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
