this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
