My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
