it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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