from now on my penis is your penis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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