you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
