So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
