I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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