A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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