Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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