Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Two words: blizzard sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
