VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
