You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
