Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
