Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
