If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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