When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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