Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it hurts more in the daytime
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
