I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
