I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
