somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
