worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
