Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
