I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
