Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
