haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
