I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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