i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
