Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
