Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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