I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
