I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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