eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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