ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
