I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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