Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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