2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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