im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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