If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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