So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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