my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
