TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
