So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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