i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
