I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
