i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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