he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
