I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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