well you can't waste a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
