did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
