My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
